Discrepancy
When it comes to understanding whether your desire is too low or high, there are few objective markers. If it is working for you and your partner, there is no problem. However, if it is causing stress in your relationship, then working with a sex therapist can be beneficial.
Desire discrepancy simply refers to a mismatched libido pattern between a couple. For example, one person may want a long intimate session full or foreplay, once a week, and the other may prefer a planned quickie, once a month.
There will be disagreement on when and how to have sex. It’s very important to positively affect a dynamic like this because it can leave a person feeling pressured, deprived, or rejected.
Desire
Desire refers to real life physical intercourse, fantasy, pornography, and/or erotic fiction, It is very complicated and involves several processes including, but not limited to, the following:
- Hormones (like testosterone)
- Age
- Dopamine Levels
- Medical Conditions (blood pressure, fatigue, thyroid, diabetes, obesity, etc.)
- Side effects of medication, supplements, diet, and/or substances
- Psychological Health (depression, anxiety, self-esteem, body image, etc.)
- Physical health (blood flow, stamina, joints, flexibility, etc.)
- Sexual Dysfunction of any type (you or your partner)
- Sexual dysfunction (and/or the fear of it)
- Relationship Issues (compatibility, unresolved conflict, emotional or physical dissatisfaction in any area, etc.)
- Fertility, pregnancy, or child birth issues
- Overthinking (not being in the body and senses)
- Life Stress (career, peer pressure, etc.)
- Inability to relax and enjoy
- Religious, cultural, and/or family influences
- Ability to enjoy and relax
- Sexuality
- Judgement
- Feelings of pressure, rejection, and/or deprivation
- Pornography Use
Because there are many causes, there are also many solutions. Don’t worry, we will conquer this labyrinth together. In our sessions, we will focus on both and your partner individually and as a unit. We will learn to cultivate different forms of connection (erotic and non-sexual) and understand your likes/dislikes, history, processes, attachment styles, personality types, love languages, and patterns.
My Personal Experience
The reason I am passionate about desire discrepancy is because I have been on both sides of the spectrum in my personal relationships. At times, I was the one trying to initiate sex and felt rejected and low esteemed. In other situations, I felt constantly approached and that all my partner wanted was sex. In both of these relationships, I felt like I was going to lose them and was frustrated because no one had any answers.
Sex is an important part of life. It’s a part of a basic mechanism to reproduce, regardless of whether someone is trying to or not. A basic instinct that everyone should be able to express; and a fundamental pleasure that everyone on this earth should be able to experience.
Get This Handled (Book Now)
I don’t want you to feel the same emotional pain that I felt. This constant back and forth with your partner can be confusing and is not a game of tug and war that anyone wants to play.
I am here to walk you through the path that will offer you the most benefit.
I understand that this type of ‘stuff’ can be hard to talk about. I guarantee you a place free of judgement and full of empathy. There is nothing you can tell me that I haven’t heard before. I am here to serve you and that is a privilege I take seriously.
